[ Riz shrugs. This has all gotten a little more personal than he was expecting it to, when all they're really talking about is the obvious -- their own obvious differences, in a place where humans and elves were more or less running things, and guys like them... weren't. The truth is, he's always felt out of place. But he doesn't know if that really has anything to do with him being a Goblin, or if it was just him being him, or the secret third option that he's like this because he's a Goblin.
He doesn't think so, though. His mother had sat him down once to gently tell him that life would be a little bit harder because he was a bit different from the rest of the kids, and he'd asked her if it was because he was a Goblin. He still remembers her answer, a mortified little grimace and a swift: that too. ]
I guess? [ He scratches at his cheek. ] Elmville's not really built for... well, either of us, really.
[ For every time he has to climb up a piece of furniture, Gorgug's breaking one. They even each other out that way. It's also an easier slant to take than the more obvious, uncomfortable answers of schoolyard bullies and hushed judgment at the grocery store and the stray unfortunate remark from a teacher or two. ]
[ He grimaces, from the pull of his mouth to the wrinkles by the sides of his eyes becoming prominent at the awkward expression he makes at the question. Because it's obvious, or so Gorgug thinks it should be, and either it's an obvious question for one back, or it's a deflection from answering too deeply. ]
Yeah, [ he answers slowly, because he's still working out how to phrase the next part. ] People don't.... people used to make a big deal out of my parents being gnomes when I was younger. You know-- I wasn't a good half-orc. Except when I broke stuff.
[ It's embarrassing to admit, and maybe he should've kept it to himself; it's not like he hasn't gotten over these things since joining the academy. Witnessing a version of himself that led to who he was when he first walked into the hallways of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy to get punched by Fabian, and it's-- cringe-worthy, if Gorgug's honest.
Is it worth dredging back up? He doesn't mind admitting to things, but maybe he doesn't know if he should be, picking now at some loose threads of his already messy jeans. ]
I guess I-- I never really hung out with half-orcs 'til Ragh. And his mom.
[ Riz was asking just to deflect the question back. His own relationship to being a Goblin isn't something he cares to think on too deeply. It's too hard. It doesn't bother him as much anymore, really, not now that he's more used to it, but it had been hard being the Goblin in class as a kid. It'd been hard only ever really knowing two other Goblins in his dear old Mom and Dad, never quite knowing what parts of him were because of the Goblin, and what parts of him were because of the whole... Riz of it all.
Maybe it's not fair to make Gorgug dredge up his own painful memories so he doesn't have to talk about his own - being adopted sounds a lot rougher than just being a minority, he thinks - but Riz isn't always the fairest person. Not when it comes to wiggling out of things like this, where he has to admit that certain things still hurt, and that they'll probably never fully go away. ]
I don't think that there's really like... a bad way to be a half-orc, [ he says slowly. ] But I get what you mean.
[ Riz had his parents, at least. The Thistlesprings are great, their overzealousness in sex-ed aside, but they're not exactly beacons of orcish culture. Probably. He doesn't really know. They probably have a binder for that too. ]
Did hanging out with Ragh and his Mom make you feel, like -- better about it?
[ The unspoken is, of course, that they could easily make Gorgug feel worse about it. Ragh was an enormous asshole during Freshman Year, but since then, he's just seemed so comfortable in his own skin, comfortable taking up space and being loud, being seen, while Gorgug still occasionally seems as though he's trying to shrink himself as small as possible. ]
[ It is awkward to talk about. To think about, when he's stopped putting weight on these things, and so looking back on his younger self (even if it's only by a couple of years) is, honestly, cringe-worthy. And there's the things he did, or didn't do, like: ]
They're nice, but... I never talked to them about it. [ Should he have? He had opportunities, but the idea of taking them was, well--he liked anything else he did around Ragh. And as much as he likes Ragh now, he's never wanted to slip into a conversation about being half-orcs or what it was like growing up as one. Especially, as Gorgug explains, ] --But, I'd found my dad and mom around that time, and, my dad's an orc, but, I... I got over it. I had you guys, so... I had friends that wanted me to hang out with them.
I stopped caring what other people thought about me as much.
[ Being part of the group that beat up the old vice principal does give you some good respect, too, so. He's no longer a freshman, no longer banking on getting friends with his parents' tin flowers, having nothing but hope and desperation to make a difference for him.
He's just who he is, and he's come to accept that better over time. But who he is doesn't have to include being a friendless loser anymore, and so he can handle the other parts about himself that felt wrong or bad growing up.
Hey, that's great, man! Friends help. What you are or... who you are seems less important when people wanna spend time with you anyway.
[ It's how he feels too. He thinks it's how all of them feel, a little. For various reasons, they all seemed to live a fairly lonely life before they'd met each other, but him and Gorgug are the most similar of them all, he thinks. Their stories are the most mundane. They weren't isolated because they were raised in a cult, or because they were off having pirate adventures instead of going to school, or because their parents were too strict, or because they flat-out changed species mid-way through their lives. They had every opportunity to make friends, really. Other people just... didn't feel the same way.
Riz doesn't understand why, really, even though he's vaguely aware that they probably wouldn't have ever been friends either, if not for landing up in detention together ages ago. But having that shared understanding is kind of nice. Kind of sad too, admittedly, but that's all right. ]
I dunno if we'd fit in much better even if we were raised in the Mountains of Chaos, or whatever, [ Riz points out. Besides, what Gorgug says is illuminating: his focus wasn't on what he thought of himself as a half-orc, but how others thought of him. Jawbone would probably have something really poignant to say about that. Thank god he's not here. ] People can be shitty anywhere.
[ It's probably not untrue. Who they were mattered less than the skills they provided on their quests, jumping from freshman year and into sophomore with the search for the Nightmare King's crown--all the personal shit faded into the back, and Gorgug was doing much better in his social life than he'd ever done before the academy. He was not Fabian, not even a Kristen, but he didn't feel like an outcast anymore.
But he nods to what Riz says as he goes on, how a change of environment wouldn't have made much of a difference, probably. Growing up somewhere other than Elmville is...difficult for Gorgug to imagine, even with all his issues about fitting in. ]
We wouldn't be a team if we grew up somewhere else. [ Which feels more important to Gorgug, or what he feels about that: how their very special set of circumstances had to happen the way they did, or they would never have slotted together. Or maybe it's the fact that in the face of sharing his awkward, kinda history with himself, he'd rather look to the positive of it all--and there are positives. There's a team, and the closest group of people he can call friends. That actually feel like friends, and not just the loser dredges on the playground that sorta hover around each other in class work because they're the leftovers.
He taps the heel of a foot on the ground, happier to think about them than just himself; happy with the idea of getting away from talking about his cringey childhood, and so- ]
I wouldn't mind hearing about stuff that... I don't know, more about you and your mom? If you ever miss anything, or you wanna talk about the stuff people say about goblins--I hear some stuff about gnomes. [ That gets Gorgug to make a face, half confused and half a grimace. ] And I can tell people look at me weird.
[ Which is saying something, considering how often the small things can past Gorgug's notice.
Regardless: ] I just wanted to put it out there, [ he says. ] We can talk about the mission, since I still wanted to hang out.
[ And are there things other than the mission that Riz would think to talk about now, just because of what they've been chatting about already? Gorgug doesn't know how this works. He'd offer that they could do something else other than mission talk, but Riz has nothing else in his room that stands out as another activity, unless Gorgug suggests they leave his house to go to the arcade or something.
He might. But he also wants to hear what Riz wants, doing his best here to give his friend his attention--doing his best to be a pal. ]
That's okay. There's not that much more talking that needs to be done about the mission anyway, it's more just... the doing that's left. It's really sweet of you to ask about this stuff. [ Riz scratches at his cheek, dappled with dark green freckles that he'd always thought he'd eventually grow out of, but never did. He's a little awkward about this stuff, averting his gaze from Gorgug with a small smile. ] I just don't know how to, like, uh -- I've never really talked about this stuff before? Like, ever? Except with my Mom, obviously, and that was just safety stuff. Where she didn't want me going alone, and how to act, and everything.
[ His mother, harried as she was, had only had enough time to focus on how to keep her son safe, to explain the realities of the world they lived in, to try desperately to keep him from getting into even more trouble than he already had. The rules were clear: be on your best behaviour, especially in places run by the Helioic Humans, or the High Elves. No hissing and growling and chittering, no speaking Goblin if you think it might not be safe, eat slowly and carefully in the cafeteria or else people might make fun of you, mind your claws, mind your teeth.
Gorgug might have grown up with that sort of thing too, had he been raised by other half-orcs. No growling and snarling, no baring your tusks; act right. But he hadn't been raised by parents who'd even teach him how to growl in the first place. Gorgug as Riz had met him was a quiet, timid boy who had to be taught the opposite, how to grow rather than how to shrink. Riz is relearning the same thing, he supposes. He hadn't hissed in what felt like years, not until he got to Hell and Fig egged him on. ]
I've been ignoring that stuff a little more now, though, 'cause I've got a gun? [ His Mom would probably not be thrilled to hear that he's less concerned with fitting in now that he can just shoot people. ] And Fig said it was cool, and Fig's cool, so.
[ He's not sure if anyone else has even noticed, honestly. They're all so incredibly accepting that nobody's even mentioned it, that he's been hissing and biting and doing all that weird, fucked-up Goblin shit that he's tried to subdue for so long. He still won't do it unless under duress, if he's around anyone other than the Bad Kids... but it's been nice to be able to do it anyway. Like his Mom and Dad did, alone in their poky little apartment, but would never dare to do at work. ]
[ Safety stuff. It sounds like something that should be obvious, though Riz sorta explains it, but it's vague enough despite the insinuation being there: how to act and be around people. In general. A glimpse into a world that's foreign to Gorgug, or so he assumes: it doesn't sound like the kind of lessons his adoptive parents imposed of him. Of being kind and giving people chances, to know that the bad tempers and remarks from others was never about yourself, but about the person they came from. It was good to be considerate, to never let a bad time get you down, and to always get back up on your feet if you do fall. Because remember: your parents will always have your back.
It makes him curious, admittedly. What did it mean? What was it that Riz had to grow up learning that Gorgug never thought about? ]
Fig is cool, [ Gorgug agrees wholeheartedly, as if that's important to address first. Because it is. ] Do you act how you wanna act around us? Fabian acts the way he wants all the time, so you should too.
[ There's no malice or joking behind the example--it's blunt in an honest way, harmless. If Fabian is one to run off his mouth about anything, why can't Riz act the way he wants or do the things he wants, gun or no gun? Not that Gorgug knows what these things are--there's Rizisms, but are Rizisms the same as what Riz has to be thoughtful about?
...Gorgug doesn't know enough about goblin peculiarities (or any race peculiarities, at that). ]
[ Gorgug's remark about Fabian makes Riz burst out in a sharp bark of laughter. Gorgug may not have meant it in a mean way, but... he's not immune. ]
Learn from Fabian, huh? He is starting to act how he wants to more often what with the, uh... [ He flaps a hand. ] Dancing anti-toxic-masculinity stuff.
[ Less pirate posturing, more -- other kinds of posturing. It's still pretty funny, though. He looks at Gorgug, eyes bright with amusement, still a little touched by Gorgug's intent, patient regard. He's such a sweet guy. Someone like Riz probably doesn't deserve all this patience, Gorgug earnestly trying to be a better friend as though he's not already a great one. ]
I'm pretty sure I act how I wanna act. If this was me holding back... [ He gestures up at the mission board, side by side with his clueboard. It would be dire, is what he's saying. The little ways he's holding back are ways that he himself isn't quite aware of, so accustomed to it that it's just second nature to him. ] I don't have to hold back much with you guys. Nobody else does.
[ It's easy not to feel as self-conscious when they've got Kristen in the back of the van enthusiastically talking about 69ing with her girlfriend. ]
You do too, right? When you're not feeling shy, I guess.
[ Gorgug is a really shy guy. It's at odds with the Barbarian strength and the rock star career, but that's Gorgug for you. ]
[ He didn't know what he said was that funny (or funny at all), but Gorgug does end up smiling before long at Riz's laughing, the cheery tone it leaves in his voice.
But he does think--and he does hope--that Riz is being all who he wants to be, even if Gorgug knows that's something that can take time to figure out. He's been working himself to answer it, knowing better than ever what the answer is, but just needing to implement it; work out the kinks, what works and what doesn't.
And have being an artificer be a part of that. He really hasn't missed bloodrush, though.
Apparently though, Riz's assessment of him, small as it is, a single word--that makes Gorgug balk, as he blinks at him, his features becoming uncomfortable. ]
...I'm not shy. [ He even sounds sulky saying it, and maybe...awkward, in the way a shy person would sound in protest. ] You think I'm still shy? I guess I've been nervous around all these people from different worlds and if one of my fake dads was gonna try and bully me...
[ Is being nervous the same thing as being shy? ...He has been trying to stand up for himself more. Or better! Gorgug drops his head to look at his hands, palms faced upward on his lap, as he considers the possibility of his shyness more than Riz possibly knew was going to happen. ]
But it's weird, right? No one else is from Spyre, and you don't know if someone's gonna be weird with you. I don't wanna get the wrong idea about people, but then sometimes I say something stupid. [ He looks back at Riz. ] Do I still suck at people?
[ Oh, man. Did he just get away with this because he never got kidnapped to a different planet with people from different universes? This sucks. This sucks!!! ]
Wha -- where the hell did you get sucking at people from being a little shy? [ Riz protests, leg shooting out to kick at the leg of Gorgug's chair. Not hard enough to knock it over (he couldn't even if he tried), but a little teasing jolt. Riz hadn't even known that being shy was something Gorgug was even self-conscious about.
Which makes sense, come to think of it, considering that being self-conscious was the primary reason for being shy, but Riz had never thought of it as a bad thing, not when surrounded by big, brash personalities like Fig and Fabian's. (Hypocrite that he is, Riz does not consider himself in their ranks, as though his own personality is less big for being less pleasant than theirs.) ]
You don't suck at people. Everyone likes you, Gorgug, [ Riz says firmly, because it's more or less true. After the first stint of bullying, everyone pretty much gets along with him. He's a nice guy. He's hard not to get along with. Though Riz does pause to appraise his judgment, and adds: ] Except for Aguefort, for some reason? And Fabian's stupid grandpa. Don't tell Fabian I called his grandpa stupid. He'll get mad at me.
[ Like Gorgug might be now? Riz supposes he hurt his feelings a little. That sucks. ]
But honestly, I wouldn't know what you're like around people here. We don't, like... hang out with any of them? As a group? [ He scratches his cheek, considering the fact that he spends most of his time with Fabian and Gorgug... exclusively with Fabian and Gorgug. The rest of the time, he meets people one-on-one, usually by happenstance, and the one time there had been a party, he'd hid in the corner the whole time. ] Or at least I don't.
[ Riz doesn't think he ever sucked at people? That's confusing, because even Gorgug will admit he used to suck pretty bad at getting people: it made it easier just to not talk to them at all, or to agree with his parents to take a tin flower into school and try to make a friend through the power of bribery.
But it doesn't make Riz's assessment wrong--things have gotten better over time, or at least -- people like him better than they used to. No one bothers him anymore in a bad way, and he likes his classmates, especially his artificer ones. But being outside of Spyre and in Etraya, especially Moorecroft, has made him feel his nerves returning about how he should act. Life was more comfortable back at home or when it was just him and the other Bad Kids living out of his van: he wasn't being tested or watched, judged for the future of his friends and family.
Though, there's one thing he really won't disagree with: ] His grandpa's stupid. I'm glad I don't have to see the guy.
[ We're agreeing with that right off the back. No remorse. This is a secret between the green Bad Boys. Sorry, Fabian.
But he does relax, or tries to seem more relaxed. Not overthink it, his thing and people. It's been nicer when he's not had to worry, or let himself worry about what other people think, and it's not been so much that that's been his core problem... it's that he's been trying to be chattier. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't care, but being kidnapped into a really dumb test isn't a normal situation to begin with.
He lets of a breath, and kicks his feet out by the heels, watching out for Riz or any of his limbs in the motion. ]
I was told to talk to and get to know more people... open up, get to know our fellow captives, you know. It doesn't matter back home or in Spyre, 'cause I have you guys and I'm doing stuff that makes me happy, so, I'm fine, normally. But when I was on that spaceship without you guys, and when we've been in Etraya... it's hard approaching people or keeping up conversation. You know what you want out of someone.
[ Because if he's thinking about Riz and how he speaks to people--Fig and Kristen speak to people so easily, and Fabian's an extroverted example of his own; but when it comes to Riz, even he's got a goal: he goes for it.
And Gorgug, it's like he has a vague idea of what he wants, or what he should go, and then he's trying to make the pieces connect to be a good ally. To other people.
He can't help but wonder if he's doing an okay or bad job at it. And being called shy doesn't really point towards doing well. ]
I don't think knowing what I want from a person makes me a good, uh, conversationalist? Or friend, [ Riz says thoughtfully. ] It just makes me a decent interrogator, which is a different thing.
[ It's said without any hint of self-recrimination, guilt, or remorse. It's not a bad thing. He's always prioritized being a good detective over being a good person to talk to, and he knows it. There are certain sacrifices he's always felt that you need to make in order to operate at your best, and while Riz personally regards himself to be a friendly, sociable kind of guy (and he honestly likes people as a general rule and would like to be liekd in return), he knows that it will never be one of his priorities. Even in this place, he can count on one hand the amount of interactions he's had that haven't led directly into discussions of this place's mysteries or interrogating people about their home worlds.
He only has one mode, and that's on, baby. ]
You actually set out to like, make friends? [ Which isn't not what Riz sets out to do, admittedly but he gets distracted. ] That's different. Have you made any friends, since you've been here?
[ That's the real question here! The proof is in the pudding. ]
[ Does it have to be about friendship, Gorgug wonders? It's what he gets caught on, when Riz says friend, and-- is he trying to be friends, or friendly? It's not the first time the subject of being friends or making friends has come up for Gorgug, and he doesn't really have set limits on what constitutes as a friendship and what is just a friendly acquaintanceship, but... ]
I don't know that I... there's people that I like. But I think it was, I was just supposed to get to know people and create a kind of... feeling of community? Help us know we're all in this together.
[ ...but now that he's said that out loud... ]
...I don't know that I was meant to do all that. Just. Help it feel that way.
[ Just so there's no expectations or ideas of what Gorgug thinks he can do. ]
[ That's not what he was expecting from Gorgug, actually. It makes sense. Fostering a sense of community can only benefit them; if they feel a sense of loyalty and obligation to each other, it means that once they're in dangerous situations, they're a lot less likely to get stabbed in the back. And if this whole thing about saving their worlds is true, then perhaps they'll be more invested in each other's worlds too.
It's not a bad tactic. Not a tactic that Riz himself can get on board with - more through skill than through ethics - but not a bad tactic nonetheless. He taps at his chin. ]
I don't think you need to do all that, though. I mean, you should only do it if you want to, not 'cause this place somehow thinks that's what we oughtta do. But life's a lot better if you like the other people in it anyway.
[ He shrugs. ]
And if you like them, and they like you back, then you guys are all basically already friends, right?
[ It's almost like Gorgug didn't come up with the idea himself, though even listening to it being called strategic--Gorgug shrugs his shoulders in a manner to say 'I guess so'.
He may not be suited to bolstering community through charisma, either. If only they were Fabian. ]
Yeah. [ But Riz's following logic is flawless. ] I mean, I wasn't trying to do it because the people [ The Man(TM) ] want us to, although... I guess I was doing it because someone suggested it. It made sense.
[ He pauses though, thinking. ]
Do you think people would keep secrets about what they find out to themselves or their own groups if it doesn't look like we're willing to work together? This... the set-up, why we're here-- they might make us work together sometimes, but then they make us fight each other, too. [ Or so it was reported from that other bubble city. ]
I just wondered... that it wouldn't be bad to step out of my comfort zone, if it's for a good cause. I'm not really good at investigating.
[ But maybe being somewhat....friendly with others can't hurt? ]
I think... it depends on how much people here decide to trust in the word of the people who brought us here. If they truly believe that it's their world versus ours, then they'd have reason to keep to themselves. But I haven't met many people who totally buy into that.
[ There's no proof. There's no trustworthy source. How could anyone possibly put their trust into an entity that was responsible for kidnapping them and separating them from their home in the first place? Not to mention these horrible tests they've all been put through with no sign that it's for any real purpose. ]
It's more up to people's nature than anything else, [ he decides. ] Some people are just naturally sneaky.
[ Riz himself is arguably one of those people, but not when it comes to sharing clues, not when it comes to something that affects them all. It would feel completely contrary to his nature to keep those sorts of things close to his chest for long. They're underneath almost constant surveillance anyhow; all keeping secrets would serve to do is to push people further away.
The thing is... he can't talk to that many people about it in the first place. He's not what he'd call a naturally likeable person. He's more of what people would call, say... an acquired taste. Oh, people are nice enough to him here, but he doubts any of them would feel willing to put their trust in him, or even think of him when it comes to disseminating information. ]
You're a better investigator than you think, [ he says absently, one nail worrying at his lip as he considers the matter. ] But of course it's not a bad thing to step out of your comfort zone. If you can find people who you trust, people you trust in return... that can never be a bad thing, right?
[ Besides, he thinks privately. People can disappear from this place at any moment. If god forbid he and Fabian disappear leaving Gorgug behind, he wouldn't want him to feel entirely alone.
[ He's better at investigating than he thinks? ...Gorgug thinks that's just Riz being nice, but he's also not going to push against it. It's not that he feels bad about being a poor investigator, but just that: he knows it's one of his weaknesses. For the same reason he's attempting to get more into socialising with the others around them in a manner outside his wheelhouse. Maybe he could become better in time like (he hopes) getting to know people will help him, but that might be better to ask Riz about than to grope around in the dark on. ...or should he take tips from Fabian again? He was pretty sure about himself when it came to talking to people on the spaceships about going ons.
(Did he ever figure out anything interesting from that process? ...not really. But he tried!)
Regardless, Gorgug nods to Riz's ending assessment. ]
We have a bigger chance of figuring something out if we work with the people around us. I don't know a lot about AIs or robots. Yet.
[ ...it's the finicky side of artificing, but you know, there might be a proud half-orc inside Gorgug that tacks on that yet for the highs that he wants to go. He wants to make cool, sentient shit! Better than the temporary principal that went haywire on them and that he can absolutely not get into with Riz right now. ]
But there's... if they're bringing in people from all kinds of different worlds, there's gotta be something we can figure out from what we know. There's got to be more to everyone than most the people with us being human.
[ They've got to have more noticeable features, right?? Look at Kristen! ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-10-02 08:54 am (UTC)He doesn't think so, though. His mother had sat him down once to gently tell him that life would be a little bit harder because he was a bit different from the rest of the kids, and he'd asked her if it was because he was a Goblin. He still remembers her answer, a mortified little grimace and a swift: that too. ]
I guess? [ He scratches at his cheek. ] Elmville's not really built for... well, either of us, really.
[ For every time he has to climb up a piece of furniture, Gorgug's breaking one. They even each other out that way. It's also an easier slant to take than the more obvious, uncomfortable answers of schoolyard bullies and hushed judgment at the grocery store and the stray unfortunate remark from a teacher or two. ]
Did you?
no subject
Date: 2024-10-02 09:24 am (UTC)Yeah, [ he answers slowly, because he's still working out how to phrase the next part. ] People don't.... people used to make a big deal out of my parents being gnomes when I was younger. You know-- I wasn't a good half-orc. Except when I broke stuff.
[ It's embarrassing to admit, and maybe he should've kept it to himself; it's not like he hasn't gotten over these things since joining the academy. Witnessing a version of himself that led to who he was when he first walked into the hallways of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy to get punched by Fabian, and it's-- cringe-worthy, if Gorgug's honest.
Is it worth dredging back up? He doesn't mind admitting to things, but maybe he doesn't know if he should be, picking now at some loose threads of his already messy jeans. ]
I guess I-- I never really hung out with half-orcs 'til Ragh. And his mom.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-07 09:01 am (UTC)Maybe it's not fair to make Gorgug dredge up his own painful memories so he doesn't have to talk about his own - being adopted sounds a lot rougher than just being a minority, he thinks - but Riz isn't always the fairest person. Not when it comes to wiggling out of things like this, where he has to admit that certain things still hurt, and that they'll probably never fully go away. ]
I don't think that there's really like... a bad way to be a half-orc, [ he says slowly. ] But I get what you mean.
[ Riz had his parents, at least. The Thistlesprings are great, their overzealousness in sex-ed aside, but they're not exactly beacons of orcish culture. Probably. He doesn't really know. They probably have a binder for that too. ]
Did hanging out with Ragh and his Mom make you feel, like -- better about it?
[ The unspoken is, of course, that they could easily make Gorgug feel worse about it. Ragh was an enormous asshole during Freshman Year, but since then, he's just seemed so comfortable in his own skin, comfortable taking up space and being loud, being seen, while Gorgug still occasionally seems as though he's trying to shrink himself as small as possible. ]
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Date: 2024-10-07 08:53 pm (UTC)They're nice, but... I never talked to them about it. [ Should he have? He had opportunities, but the idea of taking them was, well--he liked anything else he did around Ragh. And as much as he likes Ragh now, he's never wanted to slip into a conversation about being half-orcs or what it was like growing up as one. Especially, as Gorgug explains, ] --But, I'd found my dad and mom around that time, and, my dad's an orc, but, I... I got over it. I had you guys, so... I had friends that wanted me to hang out with them.
I stopped caring what other people thought about me as much.
[ Being part of the group that beat up the old vice principal does give you some good respect, too, so. He's no longer a freshman, no longer banking on getting friends with his parents' tin flowers, having nothing but hope and desperation to make a difference for him.
He's just who he is, and he's come to accept that better over time. But who he is doesn't have to include being a friendless loser anymore, and so he can handle the other parts about himself that felt wrong or bad growing up.
You get used to it. You put up with it. ]
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Date: 2024-10-12 10:17 am (UTC)[ It's how he feels too. He thinks it's how all of them feel, a little. For various reasons, they all seemed to live a fairly lonely life before they'd met each other, but him and Gorgug are the most similar of them all, he thinks. Their stories are the most mundane. They weren't isolated because they were raised in a cult, or because they were off having pirate adventures instead of going to school, or because their parents were too strict, or because they flat-out changed species mid-way through their lives. They had every opportunity to make friends, really. Other people just... didn't feel the same way.
Riz doesn't understand why, really, even though he's vaguely aware that they probably wouldn't have ever been friends either, if not for landing up in detention together ages ago. But having that shared understanding is kind of nice. Kind of sad too, admittedly, but that's all right. ]
I dunno if we'd fit in much better even if we were raised in the Mountains of Chaos, or whatever, [ Riz points out. Besides, what Gorgug says is illuminating: his focus wasn't on what he thought of himself as a half-orc, but how others thought of him. Jawbone would probably have something really poignant to say about that. Thank god he's not here. ] People can be shitty anywhere.
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Date: 2024-10-13 03:59 pm (UTC)But he nods to what Riz says as he goes on, how a change of environment wouldn't have made much of a difference, probably. Growing up somewhere other than Elmville is...difficult for Gorgug to imagine, even with all his issues about fitting in. ]
We wouldn't be a team if we grew up somewhere else. [ Which feels more important to Gorgug, or what he feels about that: how their very special set of circumstances had to happen the way they did, or they would never have slotted together. Or maybe it's the fact that in the face of sharing his awkward, kinda history with himself, he'd rather look to the positive of it all--and there are positives. There's a team, and the closest group of people he can call friends. That actually feel like friends, and not just the loser dredges on the playground that sorta hover around each other in class work because they're the leftovers.
He taps the heel of a foot on the ground, happier to think about them than just himself; happy with the idea of getting away from talking about his cringey childhood, and so- ]
I wouldn't mind hearing about stuff that... I don't know, more about you and your mom? If you ever miss anything, or you wanna talk about the stuff people say about goblins--I hear some stuff about gnomes. [ That gets Gorgug to make a face, half confused and half a grimace. ] And I can tell people look at me weird.
[ Which is saying something, considering how often the small things can past Gorgug's notice.
Regardless: ] I just wanted to put it out there, [ he says. ] We can talk about the mission, since I still wanted to hang out.
[ And are there things other than the mission that Riz would think to talk about now, just because of what they've been chatting about already? Gorgug doesn't know how this works. He'd offer that they could do something else other than mission talk, but Riz has nothing else in his room that stands out as another activity, unless Gorgug suggests they leave his house to go to the arcade or something.
He might. But he also wants to hear what Riz wants, doing his best here to give his friend his attention--doing his best to be a pal. ]
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Date: 2024-10-20 10:40 pm (UTC)[ His mother, harried as she was, had only had enough time to focus on how to keep her son safe, to explain the realities of the world they lived in, to try desperately to keep him from getting into even more trouble than he already had. The rules were clear: be on your best behaviour, especially in places run by the Helioic Humans, or the High Elves. No hissing and growling and chittering, no speaking Goblin if you think it might not be safe, eat slowly and carefully in the cafeteria or else people might make fun of you, mind your claws, mind your teeth.
Gorgug might have grown up with that sort of thing too, had he been raised by other half-orcs. No growling and snarling, no baring your tusks; act right. But he hadn't been raised by parents who'd even teach him how to growl in the first place. Gorgug as Riz had met him was a quiet, timid boy who had to be taught the opposite, how to grow rather than how to shrink. Riz is relearning the same thing, he supposes. He hadn't hissed in what felt like years, not until he got to Hell and Fig egged him on. ]
I've been ignoring that stuff a little more now, though, 'cause I've got a gun? [ His Mom would probably not be thrilled to hear that he's less concerned with fitting in now that he can just shoot people. ] And Fig said it was cool, and Fig's cool, so.
[ He's not sure if anyone else has even noticed, honestly. They're all so incredibly accepting that nobody's even mentioned it, that he's been hissing and biting and doing all that weird, fucked-up Goblin shit that he's tried to subdue for so long. He still won't do it unless under duress, if he's around anyone other than the Bad Kids... but it's been nice to be able to do it anyway. Like his Mom and Dad did, alone in their poky little apartment, but would never dare to do at work. ]
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Date: 2024-10-23 08:33 pm (UTC)It makes him curious, admittedly. What did it mean? What was it that Riz had to grow up learning that Gorgug never thought about? ]
Fig is cool, [ Gorgug agrees wholeheartedly, as if that's important to address first. Because it is. ] Do you act how you wanna act around us? Fabian acts the way he wants all the time, so you should too.
[ There's no malice or joking behind the example--it's blunt in an honest way, harmless. If Fabian is one to run off his mouth about anything, why can't Riz act the way he wants or do the things he wants, gun or no gun? Not that Gorgug knows what these things are--there's Rizisms, but are Rizisms the same as what Riz has to be thoughtful about?
...Gorgug doesn't know enough about goblin peculiarities (or any race peculiarities, at that). ]
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Date: 2024-10-25 10:37 pm (UTC)Learn from Fabian, huh? He is starting to act how he wants to more often what with the, uh... [ He flaps a hand. ] Dancing anti-toxic-masculinity stuff.
[ Less pirate posturing, more -- other kinds of posturing. It's still pretty funny, though. He looks at Gorgug, eyes bright with amusement, still a little touched by Gorgug's intent, patient regard. He's such a sweet guy. Someone like Riz probably doesn't deserve all this patience, Gorgug earnestly trying to be a better friend as though he's not already a great one. ]
I'm pretty sure I act how I wanna act. If this was me holding back... [ He gestures up at the mission board, side by side with his clueboard. It would be dire, is what he's saying. The little ways he's holding back are ways that he himself isn't quite aware of, so accustomed to it that it's just second nature to him. ] I don't have to hold back much with you guys. Nobody else does.
[ It's easy not to feel as self-conscious when they've got Kristen in the back of the van enthusiastically talking about 69ing with her girlfriend. ]
You do too, right? When you're not feeling shy, I guess.
[ Gorgug is a really shy guy. It's at odds with the Barbarian strength and the rock star career, but that's Gorgug for you. ]
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Date: 2024-10-27 10:14 am (UTC)But he does think--and he does hope--that Riz is being all who he wants to be, even if Gorgug knows that's something that can take time to figure out. He's been working himself to answer it, knowing better than ever what the answer is, but just needing to implement it; work out the kinks, what works and what doesn't.
And have being an artificer be a part of that. He really hasn't missed bloodrush, though.
Apparently though, Riz's assessment of him, small as it is, a single word--that makes Gorgug balk, as he blinks at him, his features becoming uncomfortable. ]
...I'm not shy. [ He even sounds sulky saying it, and maybe...awkward, in the way a shy person would sound in protest. ] You think I'm still shy? I guess I've been nervous around all these people from different worlds and if one of my fake dads was gonna try and bully me...
[ Is being nervous the same thing as being shy? ...He has been trying to stand up for himself more. Or better! Gorgug drops his head to look at his hands, palms faced upward on his lap, as he considers the possibility of his shyness more than Riz possibly knew was going to happen. ]
But it's weird, right? No one else is from Spyre, and you don't know if someone's gonna be weird with you. I don't wanna get the wrong idea about people, but then sometimes I say something stupid. [ He looks back at Riz. ] Do I still suck at people?
[ Oh, man. Did he just get away with this because he never got kidnapped to a different planet with people from different universes? This sucks. This sucks!!! ]
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Date: 2024-11-02 10:14 am (UTC)Which makes sense, come to think of it, considering that being self-conscious was the primary reason for being shy, but Riz had never thought of it as a bad thing, not when surrounded by big, brash personalities like Fig and Fabian's. (Hypocrite that he is, Riz does not consider himself in their ranks, as though his own personality is less big for being less pleasant than theirs.) ]
You don't suck at people. Everyone likes you, Gorgug, [ Riz says firmly, because it's more or less true. After the first stint of bullying, everyone pretty much gets along with him. He's a nice guy. He's hard not to get along with. Though Riz does pause to appraise his judgment, and adds: ] Except for Aguefort, for some reason? And Fabian's stupid grandpa. Don't tell Fabian I called his grandpa stupid. He'll get mad at me.
[ Like Gorgug might be now? Riz supposes he hurt his feelings a little. That sucks. ]
But honestly, I wouldn't know what you're like around people here. We don't, like... hang out with any of them? As a group? [ He scratches his cheek, considering the fact that he spends most of his time with Fabian and Gorgug... exclusively with Fabian and Gorgug. The rest of the time, he meets people one-on-one, usually by happenstance, and the one time there had been a party, he'd hid in the corner the whole time. ] Or at least I don't.
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Date: 2024-11-03 05:27 pm (UTC)But it doesn't make Riz's assessment wrong--things have gotten better over time, or at least -- people like him better than they used to. No one bothers him anymore in a bad way, and he likes his classmates, especially his artificer ones. But being outside of Spyre and in Etraya, especially Moorecroft, has made him feel his nerves returning about how he should act. Life was more comfortable back at home or when it was just him and the other Bad Kids living out of his van: he wasn't being tested or watched, judged for the future of his friends and family.
Though, there's one thing he really won't disagree with: ] His grandpa's stupid. I'm glad I don't have to see the guy.
[ We're agreeing with that right off the back. No remorse. This is a secret between the green Bad Boys. Sorry, Fabian.
But he does relax, or tries to seem more relaxed. Not overthink it, his thing and people. It's been nicer when he's not had to worry, or let himself worry about what other people think, and it's not been so much that that's been his core problem... it's that he's been trying to be chattier. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't care, but being kidnapped into a really dumb test isn't a normal situation to begin with.
He lets of a breath, and kicks his feet out by the heels, watching out for Riz or any of his limbs in the motion. ]
I was told to talk to and get to know more people... open up, get to know our fellow captives, you know. It doesn't matter back home or in Spyre, 'cause I have you guys and I'm doing stuff that makes me happy, so, I'm fine, normally. But when I was on that spaceship without you guys, and when we've been in Etraya... it's hard approaching people or keeping up conversation. You know what you want out of someone.
[ Because if he's thinking about Riz and how he speaks to people--Fig and Kristen speak to people so easily, and Fabian's an extroverted example of his own; but when it comes to Riz, even he's got a goal: he goes for it.
And Gorgug, it's like he has a vague idea of what he wants, or what he should go, and then he's trying to make the pieces connect to be a good ally. To other people.
He can't help but wonder if he's doing an okay or bad job at it. And being called shy doesn't really point towards doing well. ]
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Date: 2024-11-04 08:36 am (UTC)[ It's said without any hint of self-recrimination, guilt, or remorse. It's not a bad thing. He's always prioritized being a good detective over being a good person to talk to, and he knows it. There are certain sacrifices he's always felt that you need to make in order to operate at your best, and while Riz personally regards himself to be a friendly, sociable kind of guy (and he honestly likes people as a general rule and would like to be liekd in return), he knows that it will never be one of his priorities. Even in this place, he can count on one hand the amount of interactions he's had that haven't led directly into discussions of this place's mysteries or interrogating people about their home worlds.
He only has one mode, and that's on, baby. ]
You actually set out to like, make friends? [ Which isn't not what Riz sets out to do, admittedly but he gets distracted. ] That's different. Have you made any friends, since you've been here?
[ That's the real question here! The proof is in the pudding. ]
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Date: 2024-11-11 01:01 pm (UTC)I don't know that I... there's people that I like. But I think it was, I was just supposed to get to know people and create a kind of... feeling of community? Help us know we're all in this together.
[ ...but now that he's said that out loud... ]
...I don't know that I was meant to do all that. Just. Help it feel that way.
[ Just so there's no expectations or ideas of what Gorgug thinks he can do. ]
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Date: 2024-11-27 09:52 am (UTC)[ That's not what he was expecting from Gorgug, actually. It makes sense. Fostering a sense of community can only benefit them; if they feel a sense of loyalty and obligation to each other, it means that once they're in dangerous situations, they're a lot less likely to get stabbed in the back. And if this whole thing about saving their worlds is true, then perhaps they'll be more invested in each other's worlds too.
It's not a bad tactic. Not a tactic that Riz himself can get on board with - more through skill than through ethics - but not a bad tactic nonetheless. He taps at his chin. ]
I don't think you need to do all that, though. I mean, you should only do it if you want to, not 'cause this place somehow thinks that's what we oughtta do. But life's a lot better if you like the other people in it anyway.
[ He shrugs. ]
And if you like them, and they like you back, then you guys are all basically already friends, right?
[ That's how it works, right? Right???? ]
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Date: 2024-11-27 10:55 am (UTC)He may not be suited to bolstering community through charisma, either. If only they were Fabian. ]
Yeah. [ But Riz's following logic is flawless. ] I mean, I wasn't trying to do it because the people [ The Man(TM) ] want us to, although... I guess I was doing it because someone suggested it. It made sense.
[ He pauses though, thinking. ]
Do you think people would keep secrets about what they find out to themselves or their own groups if it doesn't look like we're willing to work together? This... the set-up, why we're here-- they might make us work together sometimes, but then they make us fight each other, too. [ Or so it was reported from that other bubble city. ]
I just wondered... that it wouldn't be bad to step out of my comfort zone, if it's for a good cause. I'm not really good at investigating.
[ But maybe being somewhat....friendly with others can't hurt? ]
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Date: 2024-12-05 02:52 am (UTC)[ There's no proof. There's no trustworthy source. How could anyone possibly put their trust into an entity that was responsible for kidnapping them and separating them from their home in the first place? Not to mention these horrible tests they've all been put through with no sign that it's for any real purpose. ]
It's more up to people's nature than anything else, [ he decides. ] Some people are just naturally sneaky.
[ Riz himself is arguably one of those people, but not when it comes to sharing clues, not when it comes to something that affects them all. It would feel completely contrary to his nature to keep those sorts of things close to his chest for long. They're underneath almost constant surveillance anyhow; all keeping secrets would serve to do is to push people further away.
The thing is... he can't talk to that many people about it in the first place. He's not what he'd call a naturally likeable person. He's more of what people would call, say... an acquired taste. Oh, people are nice enough to him here, but he doubts any of them would feel willing to put their trust in him, or even think of him when it comes to disseminating information. ]
You're a better investigator than you think, [ he says absently, one nail worrying at his lip as he considers the matter. ] But of course it's not a bad thing to step out of your comfort zone. If you can find people who you trust, people you trust in return... that can never be a bad thing, right?
[ Besides, he thinks privately. People can disappear from this place at any moment. If god forbid he and Fabian disappear leaving Gorgug behind, he wouldn't want him to feel entirely alone.
Riz knows he would. ]
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Date: 2024-12-19 04:18 pm (UTC)(Did he ever figure out anything interesting from that process? ...not really. But he tried!)
Regardless, Gorgug nods to Riz's ending assessment. ]
We have a bigger chance of figuring something out if we work with the people around us. I don't know a lot about AIs or robots. Yet.
[ ...it's the finicky side of artificing, but you know, there might be a proud half-orc inside Gorgug that tacks on that yet for the highs that he wants to go. He wants to make cool, sentient shit! Better than the temporary principal that went haywire on them and that he can absolutely not get into with Riz right now. ]
But there's... if they're bringing in people from all kinds of different worlds, there's gotta be something we can figure out from what we know. There's got to be more to everyone than most the people with us being human.
[ They've got to have more noticeable features, right?? Look at Kristen! ]