[ And that's all you're getting from text, Riz, unless you text something back!!! One surely wouldn't think to bring snacks to their friend in their "home" where there is bound to be a lot of snacks, but this is Riz. He always needs back-up food (and a reminder that he has food on him), so Gorgug definitely brings along his backpack that is always filled with snacks as it is along with him.
It takes ten minutes or so for him to reach the house Riz is staying in, knocking on the front door, and following it with a "Riz, it's Gorgug"--because you should always try extra hard to get Riz's attention.
And he always prefers to know who is knocking next to not knowing--even when he's got planned company coming around.
Gorgug shall wait the customary minute for Riz to answer the door (any longer, and you would try to force your way in, probably). But he'll be standing there, waiting to look down at Riz with a warm (read: Gorgug) expression. ]
[ Luckily for them, everyone else is out at the moment -- doing what, Riz doesn't rightly know, and hasn't felt as though it was appropriate for him to ask. He knows what he's been doing, but he has to imagine the rest of them are doing some investigation of their own... or just doting on that robot baby of theirs with an affection that Riz finds frankly bewildering. So when there's a knock on the door, it's Riz who throws it open.
He's been working tirelessly over the past week, but it doesn't show; despite the perpetual bags underneath them, his eyes are bright and clear, his posture straight and tall, a smudge of ink smeared across one cheek, a pen tucked behind one large ear, and a loop of string still tied around his finger, evidently ready to be strung to some conspiracy board or another. ]
[ It's true: Riz has been alive and giddy throughout their stay here. There's a mystery to dig his (serrated) teeth into, and the fear of the unknown is what makes it a thrill of the unknown for their little friend. Really, it almost makes coming over and talking about what he wants to with Riz a waste. Isn't this Riz having the time of his life?
But Gorgug is here, pulling off the bag from his shoulder and hanging from his hand. ]
Okay. I brought the snacks. [ He didn't let you down!! He lifts the bag. ] What did I get you in the middle of?
[ It's as good as any way to let Riz ramble while they go inside. This is still Riz, and maybe there's something new found for Riz's info-mapping--or it's Riz going over the clues to find anything he might've missed. ]
Just looking over our maps to figure out our best routes. Stealthing through suburbia is kind of a nightmare, honestly? In more rural areas, there's at least paths through forests or swamps or whatever you can hide in, and in the really urban areas, there's plenty of buildings and dumpsters and shit, but here? It's just empty roads. By design, I'm assuming. But luckily everyone here has some weird affection for shrubbery, so I've actually been working on adding more branches to the shrubs a little bit every day, and nobody's noticed yet. I've just been noting every area I've been working on, [ Riz says, cheerfully rambling as they head upstairs. As Gorgug's well aware, once Riz gets to talking about this sort of thing, it takes a concerted effort to shut up -- but with his friends, he knows he doesn't need to shut up. They're happy to listen.
Or, well, they're happy to let him talk. The listening part is a completely different story, depending on who he's talking to and how long their attention spans are (he is vaguely aware that Kristen has wandered out in the middle of his talking more than once because she'd managed to make it fade so effectively into background noise), but he's just happy to have a body to talk to.
He continues rambling until they're safely in his bedroom. It's likely identical to Gorgug's own, save for the fact that instead of moving in tinkering tools, he's pushed every single piece of furniture to one wall in order to make more room for his clueboards, three cups of days-old coffee still on his desk, as well as what appears to be a couple plates of untouched food (toast, mainly) that his housemates had helpfully shoved at him. He'd meant to eat them. He really did. He just forgot. ]
It's cool, though. I'm pretty much done with that part. [ He glances at the map with a sense of satisfaction. ] It's nice having an actual mission instead of just going to that stupid school.
[ He's still going to that stupid school, incidentally. It's just to evade notice as an undercover mission instead of whole-heartedly attending, which has made a world of difference. He's not a student! He's a spy. ]
[ Gorgug listens, but in a way where he does know what Riz is saying, but the underlying thought and consideration behind it--even when it's laid out to him--probably sounds the same to Gorgug as it would Gorgug explaining artificing to Fabian. But with a lot more confidence in there, for sure.
So it sounds like smart planning, even if Riz gets to adding branches to shrubs, and he kinda gets stuck on that. ] Oh. Your shrubs are gonna get really big.
[ Is that the point? Is that the purpose? There's branches and shrubs now in Gorgug's mind that doesn't know if he wants to see the shrubs just to see what's being done to them, or if he would notice if one of his home's shrubs was gaining branches. (should he check? not because he thinks Riz did anything to them, but could he tell if they were off??
...this isn't what he came over for.)
But the room when they enter is very Riz-like, for a lack of a better descriptor: everything has made way for his clues, and Gorgug wonders if anyone else has ever come into the room to see this. He only notes the map and clue boards briefly, and from a distance (again: not the reason he came over). ]
What do you think about when we don't have anything going on? You know... we've been-- you've been here for a while, and I know you're from a really different point in time from the rest of us, so, I-- I wanted to touch base with you. I don't feel we ever did that.
[ When he arrived. And it feels kinda awkward to bring up, standing there and looking down at Riz when he knows anything outside of this mission is far from Riz's mind, but--this is the time he's actually thought about this. Apparently, Fabian having his small personal crisis was enough to make Gorgug think about this, which he's felt bad about already, before approaching Riz today.
And it coming out of the blue now may seem bizarre, but Gorgug can handle that. Isn't checking up on a friend important, after all? His expression is sincere, as well as his tone. ]
[ Riz blinks owlishly at Gorgug, his speedy little brain screeching to a halt as Gorgug brings the conversation from what Riz is most comfortable rambling on about (mysteries, plans, theories) to what he's by far least comfortable talking about (emotions. namely, his own). He'd had a feeling that Gorgug didn't want to come over here just to hang out. They don't really... do that a lot. Not at such pivotal moments, when everyone's busy getting geared into their upcoming operation.
It's just that he thought that if Gorgug wanted to talk about anyone's emotions, it would be his own. About his work, or about missing his folks, or about missing just being able to hang out for a while or how weird it is to be saddled with a third Dad. That it would be about him has completely blindsided him. He doesn't actually need to ask the question; he's just filling space. ]
Oh, um... [ To his credit, he takes a second to think about it. If Gorgug is asking sincerely, he wants to answer sincerely too. It's just hard for him to figure out what to say, or what he's supposed to be saying, or what the greater meaning of all of this is. ] Huh. I haven't thought much about it. It's better when I have something to do. Clues help.
[ He doesn't have to think about why they're trapped here, or that horrible maze, or how much he misses his Mom. He can just focus on the job. ]
I'm okay. [ That's the kicker, isn't it? He always thinks he's okay. ] I don't think I would be, if I were here all by myself. But I have you guys with me, so. Even if being trapped here sucks, I know we can find our way out eventually.
[ He has faith in his party. That's all part of being an adventurer, in his opinion. If you don't have faith in them, you might as well fly solo. ]
[ It doesn't feel right, does it? Asking, getting the answer, though maybe it's premature--maybe he could've said more, given the chance. Explained himself better, though there's only so far Gorgug can go with doing that. How have you been? Do you miss home? Do you miss your mom?
Of course he misses his mom. They all miss their parents (and that includes Adaine, surely, on the adoptive side). Gorgug takes a seat nonetheless while Riz speaks, inviting himself on the edge of Riz's bed just so he isn't looking down as much at him, chipping at some of the distance. But also--even if he isn't very well-prepared for his own reason for coming here, he wants to try. ]
We'll try. [ It's an affirmation to the last of what Riz says, acknowledgement before a pause. ] I'm glad you're okay. It was just... we weren't really having time to catch up with other back at school, and I don't know how good we are talking about stuff that isn't world threatening, or-- or something other than about how we're feeling. And I don't think that coming up to you like this will mean you have something to say, but...
[ But. His knees are higher than his waist from where he's sitting, and his rests his hands on top of them from where they had been on his bed. Eyes on Riz, or following him, wherever they might be. ]
I guess I wanted to think about it better. How you're doing. I never ask it as much I should.
[ He never probes deeper than surface level. It's one of those things about his relationship with Zelda he realised, way too late. Or was the true problem that he knew, but he didn't work to fix it anyway? It's easy for everyone to say that they're okay, and that's the answer you should accept, and if there's anything deeper, a distance growing, then--
You wonder if it was always meant to end up this way, or you just didn't do enough to make it a real and lasting relationship in the first place. ]
[ Riz scratches thoughtfully at his cheek. Gorgug really doesn't ask him how he's doing all that much, but nobody does, other than his Mom. That's just normal. In all honesty, it's what Riz prefers to be normal. His truthful response to how he's doing at all times seems to swing wildly, and he's very rarely doing well, by anyone else's metric of functionality, which is something he prefers not to talk about by virtue of the fact that he operates best under stress.
If all the plates are spinning, who really gives a shit about the guy spinning them? Riz sure doesn't. ]
But it is nice of you to care. So. Thanks for that. I'm okay, though! I'm always doing pretty good.
[ He does appreciate it, really. Even if it does feel a little weird to realize that Gorgug actually thinks about him when he's not around. It's not that he doesn't believe his friends love him - they clearly do - but it never occurs to him that others could possibly be thinking or talking about him while he's not around, even though he's spent full hours considering them. It's nice. And scary. He can't decide if it's more nice than scary, or more scary than nice.
Maybe the latter. But that's stupid and it sucks, so he'll pretend it's the former. ]
Sucks that Junior Year's so busy, though. I can barely imagine it. [ They've spent all their time together during Sophomore Year. He almost thinks some of them will welcome not having to spend 24/7 breathing down each other's necks -- not Riz, who thrives on that sort of thing, but the girls especially seem ready for some personal space. And because he is who he is, he turns the question right back at Gorgug. ]
How are you feeling? [ He waves an arm in an exaggerated arc, as though gesturing to the world at large instead of what is objectively a poky little bedrom, even if it feels palatial to Riz. ] You got here a little later, which is a whole different kind of weird.
[ Does he ask enough? Gorgug has to wonder, though he doesn't want to doubt Riz about it, either. It's tricky, when he doesn't notice until it's too late, but he'll try and keep it in mind more recent--try to be more attentive to his friends, about how they're feeling. Keep track of it, just so he can feel like he is doing a good job. He doesn't know if friends have to do that, or if it comes naturally, but he's okay feeling odd and uncertain about something so basic if he can do a better job about it going forward.
(That's the plan.)
But to the question posed back to him, Gorgug simply tips his head, a meaningless motion. ]
I'm okay. I just have to learn about this place and act like I belong here? And that doesn't make sense for saving the world compared to when you all got stuck in a labyrinth, which sounds like something that would happen to us anyway. But I don't really care.
[ He would care more if he obsessed over the absurdity of it, or had Fabian's tendency to latch onto his grievances. Being stuck playing family for how ever many weeks and have it be some factor to whether his universe gets to stick around in the future?
He needs more time to cook about it, really.
So, for now: ] Is your fake family okay? You're not feeling weird about that?
I don't think this place runs by any rules of logic we'll be able to wrap our heads around, mission-wise, [ Riz grumbles. He can't say he'd rather be in the labyrinth - that fucking sucked, man - but it had at least made sense with the conceit that they were all fed upon their arrival. This makes little to no sense, but at least he has a bed, ample access to food, can hang out with his friends provided that there's not too many sleepovers.
Honestly, in many ways, this place feels far more like home than Etraya ever did. It's the sort of thing that could lull someone into a false sense of complacency, if they're the type of person to do that. Which Riz isn't, of course, meaning that he's hypervigilant about the fact that they very well could. ]
It seems mainly like an excuse just to fuck with us at this point. [ He's got it all written down on boards and notebooks and charts, but no matter how much he squints at it, he just can't figure it out. ] My fake family's okay, though. They're all nice.
[ Idly, he kicks his legs. ]
It's like, weirdly normal, though. They're really trying to hammer home the whole suburban bliss angle. And everyone here is really good at playing along with it. I dunno what their angle is, beyond just being -- normal people, I guess?
[ For some reason, this place's idea of an idyllic future being one where every adult is married and has kids has been rankling at him. It's probably just because he's still pretty young, he figures, and because it pays no respect to the life of an adventurer. Everyone wants to do this sort of thing eventually, after all. He will too, one day. ]
Getting together and marrying's probably a big thing across different universes. I've never asked, but-- a lot of people get married or make families, right? And if they're aiming for making everything seem normal and what people do day to day...
[ Then it makes sense, if that's what's considered normal. An idea that's trying to hit all the boxes, but lacks the experience in getting it right. You can throw random people into family units and then make them do a checklist of family activities, and that's good enough, right?? That makes a family. ]
It upsets some people. [ He shrugs, a meaningless motion. ] One guy I know's got a wife after his wife died, and we're both... I dunno, would it be weirder if they made you live with other goblins? I think I'd be creeped out more if they put me in with gnomes. Or orcs.
[ Living with humans (or human-shaped people) just makes it so--whatever. Like it's not a situation that could be mistaken as a family unit, and just people living together in the same space.
But would it be weirder for Riz at all if he was with a goblin family? Or even with a single 'mom', that's also a goblin. ]
Yeah, of course. It'll probably happen to all of us one day.
[ Okay, so that's maybe overcompensating a little -- but who's to say it won't? His Dad said they were all late bloomers too, and there's got to be some truth to that. Gorgug is gaga over Zelda, Kristen and Tracker can't keep their hands off of each other, Fig is always out macking on adult men (creepy), and Fabian is obsessed with the idea of kisses, even if he's not getting many of them. That just leaves him and Adaine, and he's certain Adaine will find someone someday too. She's just busy concentrating on her studies, just like Riz is.
Yeah. That's gotta be it. ]
But -- you're right. That's super uncomfortable for some people. And, like... I dunno, I feel like I rarely meet people whose families are, uh. Good? [ He rubs at the back of his neck. ] Your parents are awesome, obviously, and my Mom's the best, but everyone's got too much weird family baggage to get squashed into roles like this. [ Idly, he kicks his legs. ] It'd be weird to get matched with Goblins, but mostly 'cause I've never really hung out with other Goblins? It's just us and that one really intense kid in town.
[ Pot, kettle. Don't call him out, Thistlespring. ]
It'd be a different kind of weird to match you with Gnomes. That's less normalcy, more replacement.
[ Though... he hasn't seen a single Gnome either. Not here, and not in Etraya. He wonders if that's as weird to Gorgug as it is for Riz not to be around any other smallfolk. Sure, there's no Goblins around, but he and his Mom and the various Halfling families around Elmville have always had something of an understanding. ]
[ Maybe Gorgug's thought about it before, but never brought it up; one of those few things that he notices, but couldn't say if it was true or not without prompting a discussion about it in the first place. About the few goblins there are in Elmville, and Gorgug's aware of the reputation around them--every species has their reputation, and half-orcs aren't excluded from that. There's a way that it comes back to you, whether directly or indirectly; whether through playground teasing, or through osmosis. ]
Did you ever feel out of place back home in Elmville?
[ Their situations aren't similar, and yet, while the answer might be an obvious yes, Gorgug wants to ask it--he wants to know. Curious, and there's more to it than simple curiosity, but Gorgug doesn't elaborate immediately.
Because they shared the similarity of being deemed losers at the start of freshman year, and Gorgug, at least, had that honour prior to starting school. Held it even amongst other half-orcs, and to other kinds of species, for not being half-orc enough.
But who ever talks about the reasons they're a loser, even to a fellow loser? ]
[ Riz shrugs. This has all gotten a little more personal than he was expecting it to, when all they're really talking about is the obvious -- their own obvious differences, in a place where humans and elves were more or less running things, and guys like them... weren't. The truth is, he's always felt out of place. But he doesn't know if that really has anything to do with him being a Goblin, or if it was just him being him, or the secret third option that he's like this because he's a Goblin.
He doesn't think so, though. His mother had sat him down once to gently tell him that life would be a little bit harder because he was a bit different from the rest of the kids, and he'd asked her if it was because he was a Goblin. He still remembers her answer, a mortified little grimace and a swift: that too. ]
I guess? [ He scratches at his cheek. ] Elmville's not really built for... well, either of us, really.
[ For every time he has to climb up a piece of furniture, Gorgug's breaking one. They even each other out that way. It's also an easier slant to take than the more obvious, uncomfortable answers of schoolyard bullies and hushed judgment at the grocery store and the stray unfortunate remark from a teacher or two. ]
[ He grimaces, from the pull of his mouth to the wrinkles by the sides of his eyes becoming prominent at the awkward expression he makes at the question. Because it's obvious, or so Gorgug thinks it should be, and either it's an obvious question for one back, or it's a deflection from answering too deeply. ]
Yeah, [ he answers slowly, because he's still working out how to phrase the next part. ] People don't.... people used to make a big deal out of my parents being gnomes when I was younger. You know-- I wasn't a good half-orc. Except when I broke stuff.
[ It's embarrassing to admit, and maybe he should've kept it to himself; it's not like he hasn't gotten over these things since joining the academy. Witnessing a version of himself that led to who he was when he first walked into the hallways of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy to get punched by Fabian, and it's-- cringe-worthy, if Gorgug's honest.
Is it worth dredging back up? He doesn't mind admitting to things, but maybe he doesn't know if he should be, picking now at some loose threads of his already messy jeans. ]
I guess I-- I never really hung out with half-orcs 'til Ragh. And his mom.
[ Riz was asking just to deflect the question back. His own relationship to being a Goblin isn't something he cares to think on too deeply. It's too hard. It doesn't bother him as much anymore, really, not now that he's more used to it, but it had been hard being the Goblin in class as a kid. It'd been hard only ever really knowing two other Goblins in his dear old Mom and Dad, never quite knowing what parts of him were because of the Goblin, and what parts of him were because of the whole... Riz of it all.
Maybe it's not fair to make Gorgug dredge up his own painful memories so he doesn't have to talk about his own - being adopted sounds a lot rougher than just being a minority, he thinks - but Riz isn't always the fairest person. Not when it comes to wiggling out of things like this, where he has to admit that certain things still hurt, and that they'll probably never fully go away. ]
I don't think that there's really like... a bad way to be a half-orc, [ he says slowly. ] But I get what you mean.
[ Riz had his parents, at least. The Thistlesprings are great, their overzealousness in sex-ed aside, but they're not exactly beacons of orcish culture. Probably. He doesn't really know. They probably have a binder for that too. ]
Did hanging out with Ragh and his Mom make you feel, like -- better about it?
[ The unspoken is, of course, that they could easily make Gorgug feel worse about it. Ragh was an enormous asshole during Freshman Year, but since then, he's just seemed so comfortable in his own skin, comfortable taking up space and being loud, being seen, while Gorgug still occasionally seems as though he's trying to shrink himself as small as possible. ]
[ It is awkward to talk about. To think about, when he's stopped putting weight on these things, and so looking back on his younger self (even if it's only by a couple of years) is, honestly, cringe-worthy. And there's the things he did, or didn't do, like: ]
They're nice, but... I never talked to them about it. [ Should he have? He had opportunities, but the idea of taking them was, well--he liked anything else he did around Ragh. And as much as he likes Ragh now, he's never wanted to slip into a conversation about being half-orcs or what it was like growing up as one. Especially, as Gorgug explains, ] --But, I'd found my dad and mom around that time, and, my dad's an orc, but, I... I got over it. I had you guys, so... I had friends that wanted me to hang out with them.
I stopped caring what other people thought about me as much.
[ Being part of the group that beat up the old vice principal does give you some good respect, too, so. He's no longer a freshman, no longer banking on getting friends with his parents' tin flowers, having nothing but hope and desperation to make a difference for him.
He's just who he is, and he's come to accept that better over time. But who he is doesn't have to include being a friendless loser anymore, and so he can handle the other parts about himself that felt wrong or bad growing up.
Hey, that's great, man! Friends help. What you are or... who you are seems less important when people wanna spend time with you anyway.
[ It's how he feels too. He thinks it's how all of them feel, a little. For various reasons, they all seemed to live a fairly lonely life before they'd met each other, but him and Gorgug are the most similar of them all, he thinks. Their stories are the most mundane. They weren't isolated because they were raised in a cult, or because they were off having pirate adventures instead of going to school, or because their parents were too strict, or because they flat-out changed species mid-way through their lives. They had every opportunity to make friends, really. Other people just... didn't feel the same way.
Riz doesn't understand why, really, even though he's vaguely aware that they probably wouldn't have ever been friends either, if not for landing up in detention together ages ago. But having that shared understanding is kind of nice. Kind of sad too, admittedly, but that's all right. ]
I dunno if we'd fit in much better even if we were raised in the Mountains of Chaos, or whatever, [ Riz points out. Besides, what Gorgug says is illuminating: his focus wasn't on what he thought of himself as a half-orc, but how others thought of him. Jawbone would probably have something really poignant to say about that. Thank god he's not here. ] People can be shitty anywhere.
[ It's probably not untrue. Who they were mattered less than the skills they provided on their quests, jumping from freshman year and into sophomore with the search for the Nightmare King's crown--all the personal shit faded into the back, and Gorgug was doing much better in his social life than he'd ever done before the academy. He was not Fabian, not even a Kristen, but he didn't feel like an outcast anymore.
But he nods to what Riz says as he goes on, how a change of environment wouldn't have made much of a difference, probably. Growing up somewhere other than Elmville is...difficult for Gorgug to imagine, even with all his issues about fitting in. ]
We wouldn't be a team if we grew up somewhere else. [ Which feels more important to Gorgug, or what he feels about that: how their very special set of circumstances had to happen the way they did, or they would never have slotted together. Or maybe it's the fact that in the face of sharing his awkward, kinda history with himself, he'd rather look to the positive of it all--and there are positives. There's a team, and the closest group of people he can call friends. That actually feel like friends, and not just the loser dredges on the playground that sorta hover around each other in class work because they're the leftovers.
He taps the heel of a foot on the ground, happier to think about them than just himself; happy with the idea of getting away from talking about his cringey childhood, and so- ]
I wouldn't mind hearing about stuff that... I don't know, more about you and your mom? If you ever miss anything, or you wanna talk about the stuff people say about goblins--I hear some stuff about gnomes. [ That gets Gorgug to make a face, half confused and half a grimace. ] And I can tell people look at me weird.
[ Which is saying something, considering how often the small things can past Gorgug's notice.
Regardless: ] I just wanted to put it out there, [ he says. ] We can talk about the mission, since I still wanted to hang out.
[ And are there things other than the mission that Riz would think to talk about now, just because of what they've been chatting about already? Gorgug doesn't know how this works. He'd offer that they could do something else other than mission talk, but Riz has nothing else in his room that stands out as another activity, unless Gorgug suggests they leave his house to go to the arcade or something.
He might. But he also wants to hear what Riz wants, doing his best here to give his friend his attention--doing his best to be a pal. ]
That's okay. There's not that much more talking that needs to be done about the mission anyway, it's more just... the doing that's left. It's really sweet of you to ask about this stuff. [ Riz scratches at his cheek, dappled with dark green freckles that he'd always thought he'd eventually grow out of, but never did. He's a little awkward about this stuff, averting his gaze from Gorgug with a small smile. ] I just don't know how to, like, uh -- I've never really talked about this stuff before? Like, ever? Except with my Mom, obviously, and that was just safety stuff. Where she didn't want me going alone, and how to act, and everything.
[ His mother, harried as she was, had only had enough time to focus on how to keep her son safe, to explain the realities of the world they lived in, to try desperately to keep him from getting into even more trouble than he already had. The rules were clear: be on your best behaviour, especially in places run by the Helioic Humans, or the High Elves. No hissing and growling and chittering, no speaking Goblin if you think it might not be safe, eat slowly and carefully in the cafeteria or else people might make fun of you, mind your claws, mind your teeth.
Gorgug might have grown up with that sort of thing too, had he been raised by other half-orcs. No growling and snarling, no baring your tusks; act right. But he hadn't been raised by parents who'd even teach him how to growl in the first place. Gorgug as Riz had met him was a quiet, timid boy who had to be taught the opposite, how to grow rather than how to shrink. Riz is relearning the same thing, he supposes. He hadn't hissed in what felt like years, not until he got to Hell and Fig egged him on. ]
I've been ignoring that stuff a little more now, though, 'cause I've got a gun? [ His Mom would probably not be thrilled to hear that he's less concerned with fitting in now that he can just shoot people. ] And Fig said it was cool, and Fig's cool, so.
[ He's not sure if anyone else has even noticed, honestly. They're all so incredibly accepting that nobody's even mentioned it, that he's been hissing and biting and doing all that weird, fucked-up Goblin shit that he's tried to subdue for so long. He still won't do it unless under duress, if he's around anyone other than the Bad Kids... but it's been nice to be able to do it anyway. Like his Mom and Dad did, alone in their poky little apartment, but would never dare to do at work. ]
[ Safety stuff. It sounds like something that should be obvious, though Riz sorta explains it, but it's vague enough despite the insinuation being there: how to act and be around people. In general. A glimpse into a world that's foreign to Gorgug, or so he assumes: it doesn't sound like the kind of lessons his adoptive parents imposed of him. Of being kind and giving people chances, to know that the bad tempers and remarks from others was never about yourself, but about the person they came from. It was good to be considerate, to never let a bad time get you down, and to always get back up on your feet if you do fall. Because remember: your parents will always have your back.
It makes him curious, admittedly. What did it mean? What was it that Riz had to grow up learning that Gorgug never thought about? ]
Fig is cool, [ Gorgug agrees wholeheartedly, as if that's important to address first. Because it is. ] Do you act how you wanna act around us? Fabian acts the way he wants all the time, so you should too.
[ There's no malice or joking behind the example--it's blunt in an honest way, harmless. If Fabian is one to run off his mouth about anything, why can't Riz act the way he wants or do the things he wants, gun or no gun? Not that Gorgug knows what these things are--there's Rizisms, but are Rizisms the same as what Riz has to be thoughtful about?
...Gorgug doesn't know enough about goblin peculiarities (or any race peculiarities, at that). ]
[ Gorgug's remark about Fabian makes Riz burst out in a sharp bark of laughter. Gorgug may not have meant it in a mean way, but... he's not immune. ]
Learn from Fabian, huh? He is starting to act how he wants to more often what with the, uh... [ He flaps a hand. ] Dancing anti-toxic-masculinity stuff.
[ Less pirate posturing, more -- other kinds of posturing. It's still pretty funny, though. He looks at Gorgug, eyes bright with amusement, still a little touched by Gorgug's intent, patient regard. He's such a sweet guy. Someone like Riz probably doesn't deserve all this patience, Gorgug earnestly trying to be a better friend as though he's not already a great one. ]
I'm pretty sure I act how I wanna act. If this was me holding back... [ He gestures up at the mission board, side by side with his clueboard. It would be dire, is what he's saying. The little ways he's holding back are ways that he himself isn't quite aware of, so accustomed to it that it's just second nature to him. ] I don't have to hold back much with you guys. Nobody else does.
[ It's easy not to feel as self-conscious when they've got Kristen in the back of the van enthusiastically talking about 69ing with her girlfriend. ]
You do too, right? When you're not feeling shy, I guess.
[ Gorgug is a really shy guy. It's at odds with the Barbarian strength and the rock star career, but that's Gorgug for you. ]
[ He didn't know what he said was that funny (or funny at all), but Gorgug does end up smiling before long at Riz's laughing, the cheery tone it leaves in his voice.
But he does think--and he does hope--that Riz is being all who he wants to be, even if Gorgug knows that's something that can take time to figure out. He's been working himself to answer it, knowing better than ever what the answer is, but just needing to implement it; work out the kinks, what works and what doesn't.
And have being an artificer be a part of that. He really hasn't missed bloodrush, though.
Apparently though, Riz's assessment of him, small as it is, a single word--that makes Gorgug balk, as he blinks at him, his features becoming uncomfortable. ]
...I'm not shy. [ He even sounds sulky saying it, and maybe...awkward, in the way a shy person would sound in protest. ] You think I'm still shy? I guess I've been nervous around all these people from different worlds and if one of my fake dads was gonna try and bully me...
[ Is being nervous the same thing as being shy? ...He has been trying to stand up for himself more. Or better! Gorgug drops his head to look at his hands, palms faced upward on his lap, as he considers the possibility of his shyness more than Riz possibly knew was going to happen. ]
But it's weird, right? No one else is from Spyre, and you don't know if someone's gonna be weird with you. I don't wanna get the wrong idea about people, but then sometimes I say something stupid. [ He looks back at Riz. ] Do I still suck at people?
[ Oh, man. Did he just get away with this because he never got kidnapped to a different planet with people from different universes? This sucks. This sucks!!! ]
Wha -- where the hell did you get sucking at people from being a little shy? [ Riz protests, leg shooting out to kick at the leg of Gorgug's chair. Not hard enough to knock it over (he couldn't even if he tried), but a little teasing jolt. Riz hadn't even known that being shy was something Gorgug was even self-conscious about.
Which makes sense, come to think of it, considering that being self-conscious was the primary reason for being shy, but Riz had never thought of it as a bad thing, not when surrounded by big, brash personalities like Fig and Fabian's. (Hypocrite that he is, Riz does not consider himself in their ranks, as though his own personality is less big for being less pleasant than theirs.) ]
You don't suck at people. Everyone likes you, Gorgug, [ Riz says firmly, because it's more or less true. After the first stint of bullying, everyone pretty much gets along with him. He's a nice guy. He's hard not to get along with. Though Riz does pause to appraise his judgment, and adds: ] Except for Aguefort, for some reason? And Fabian's stupid grandpa. Don't tell Fabian I called his grandpa stupid. He'll get mad at me.
[ Like Gorgug might be now? Riz supposes he hurt his feelings a little. That sucks. ]
But honestly, I wouldn't know what you're like around people here. We don't, like... hang out with any of them? As a group? [ He scratches his cheek, considering the fact that he spends most of his time with Fabian and Gorgug... exclusively with Fabian and Gorgug. The rest of the time, he meets people one-on-one, usually by happenstance, and the one time there had been a party, he'd hid in the corner the whole time. ] Or at least I don't.
[ Riz doesn't think he ever sucked at people? That's confusing, because even Gorgug will admit he used to suck pretty bad at getting people: it made it easier just to not talk to them at all, or to agree with his parents to take a tin flower into school and try to make a friend through the power of bribery.
But it doesn't make Riz's assessment wrong--things have gotten better over time, or at least -- people like him better than they used to. No one bothers him anymore in a bad way, and he likes his classmates, especially his artificer ones. But being outside of Spyre and in Etraya, especially Moorecroft, has made him feel his nerves returning about how he should act. Life was more comfortable back at home or when it was just him and the other Bad Kids living out of his van: he wasn't being tested or watched, judged for the future of his friends and family.
Though, there's one thing he really won't disagree with: ] His grandpa's stupid. I'm glad I don't have to see the guy.
[ We're agreeing with that right off the back. No remorse. This is a secret between the green Bad Boys. Sorry, Fabian.
But he does relax, or tries to seem more relaxed. Not overthink it, his thing and people. It's been nicer when he's not had to worry, or let himself worry about what other people think, and it's not been so much that that's been his core problem... it's that he's been trying to be chattier. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't care, but being kidnapped into a really dumb test isn't a normal situation to begin with.
He lets of a breath, and kicks his feet out by the heels, watching out for Riz or any of his limbs in the motion. ]
I was told to talk to and get to know more people... open up, get to know our fellow captives, you know. It doesn't matter back home or in Spyre, 'cause I have you guys and I'm doing stuff that makes me happy, so, I'm fine, normally. But when I was on that spaceship without you guys, and when we've been in Etraya... it's hard approaching people or keeping up conversation. You know what you want out of someone.
[ Because if he's thinking about Riz and how he speaks to people--Fig and Kristen speak to people so easily, and Fabian's an extroverted example of his own; but when it comes to Riz, even he's got a goal: he goes for it.
And Gorgug, it's like he has a vague idea of what he wants, or what he should go, and then he's trying to make the pieces connect to be a good ally. To other people.
He can't help but wonder if he's doing an okay or bad job at it. And being called shy doesn't really point towards doing well. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
TO ACTION
and myself
[ And that's all you're getting from text, Riz, unless you text something back!!! One surely wouldn't think to bring snacks to their friend in their "home" where there is bound to be a lot of snacks, but this is Riz. He always needs back-up food (and a reminder that he has food on him), so Gorgug definitely brings along his backpack that is always filled with snacks as it is along with him.
It takes ten minutes or so for him to reach the house Riz is staying in, knocking on the front door, and following it with a "Riz, it's Gorgug"--because you should always try extra hard to get Riz's attention.
And he always prefers to know who is knocking next to not knowing--even when he's got planned company coming around.
Gorgug shall wait the customary minute for Riz to answer the door (any longer, and you would try to force your way in, probably). But he'll be standing there, waiting to look down at Riz with a warm (read: Gorgug) expression. ]
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He's been working tirelessly over the past week, but it doesn't show; despite the perpetual bags underneath them, his eyes are bright and clear, his posture straight and tall, a smudge of ink smeared across one cheek, a pen tucked behind one large ear, and a loop of string still tied around his finger, evidently ready to be strung to some conspiracy board or another. ]
Hey, man. How's it going?
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But Gorgug is here, pulling off the bag from his shoulder and hanging from his hand. ]
Okay. I brought the snacks. [ He didn't let you down!! He lifts the bag. ] What did I get you in the middle of?
[ It's as good as any way to let Riz ramble while they go inside. This is still Riz, and maybe there's something new found for Riz's info-mapping--or it's Riz going over the clues to find anything he might've missed. ]
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Or, well, they're happy to let him talk. The listening part is a completely different story, depending on who he's talking to and how long their attention spans are (he is vaguely aware that Kristen has wandered out in the middle of his talking more than once because she'd managed to make it fade so effectively into background noise), but he's just happy to have a body to talk to.
He continues rambling until they're safely in his bedroom. It's likely identical to Gorgug's own, save for the fact that instead of moving in tinkering tools, he's pushed every single piece of furniture to one wall in order to make more room for his clueboards, three cups of days-old coffee still on his desk, as well as what appears to be a couple plates of untouched food (toast, mainly) that his housemates had helpfully shoved at him. He'd meant to eat them. He really did. He just forgot. ]
It's cool, though. I'm pretty much done with that part. [ He glances at the map with a sense of satisfaction. ] It's nice having an actual mission instead of just going to that stupid school.
[ He's still going to that stupid school, incidentally. It's just to evade notice as an undercover mission instead of whole-heartedly attending, which has made a world of difference. He's not a student! He's a spy. ]
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So it sounds like smart planning, even if Riz gets to adding branches to shrubs, and he kinda gets stuck on that. ] Oh. Your shrubs are gonna get really big.
[ Is that the point? Is that the purpose? There's branches and shrubs now in Gorgug's mind that doesn't know if he wants to see the shrubs just to see what's being done to them, or if he would notice if one of his home's shrubs was gaining branches. (should he check? not because he thinks Riz did anything to them, but could he tell if they were off??
...this isn't what he came over for.)
But the room when they enter is very Riz-like, for a lack of a better descriptor: everything has made way for his clues, and Gorgug wonders if anyone else has ever come into the room to see this. He only notes the map and clue boards briefly, and from a distance (again: not the reason he came over). ]
What do you think about when we don't have anything going on? You know... we've been-- you've been here for a while, and I know you're from a really different point in time from the rest of us, so, I-- I wanted to touch base with you. I don't feel we ever did that.
[ When he arrived. And it feels kinda awkward to bring up, standing there and looking down at Riz when he knows anything outside of this mission is far from Riz's mind, but--this is the time he's actually thought about this. Apparently, Fabian having his small personal crisis was enough to make Gorgug think about this, which he's felt bad about already, before approaching Riz today.
And it coming out of the blue now may seem bizarre, but Gorgug can handle that. Isn't checking up on a friend important, after all? His expression is sincere, as well as his tone. ]
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[ Riz blinks owlishly at Gorgug, his speedy little brain screeching to a halt as Gorgug brings the conversation from what Riz is most comfortable rambling on about (mysteries, plans, theories) to what he's by far least comfortable talking about (emotions. namely, his own). He'd had a feeling that Gorgug didn't want to come over here just to hang out. They don't really... do that a lot. Not at such pivotal moments, when everyone's busy getting geared into their upcoming operation.
It's just that he thought that if Gorgug wanted to talk about anyone's emotions, it would be his own. About his work, or about missing his folks, or about missing just being able to hang out for a while or how weird it is to be saddled with a third Dad. That it would be about him has completely blindsided him. He doesn't actually need to ask the question; he's just filling space. ]
Oh, um... [ To his credit, he takes a second to think about it. If Gorgug is asking sincerely, he wants to answer sincerely too. It's just hard for him to figure out what to say, or what he's supposed to be saying, or what the greater meaning of all of this is. ] Huh. I haven't thought much about it. It's better when I have something to do. Clues help.
[ He doesn't have to think about why they're trapped here, or that horrible maze, or how much he misses his Mom. He can just focus on the job. ]
I'm okay. [ That's the kicker, isn't it? He always thinks he's okay. ] I don't think I would be, if I were here all by myself. But I have you guys with me, so. Even if being trapped here sucks, I know we can find our way out eventually.
[ He has faith in his party. That's all part of being an adventurer, in his opinion. If you don't have faith in them, you might as well fly solo. ]
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Of course he misses his mom. They all miss their parents (and that includes Adaine, surely, on the adoptive side). Gorgug takes a seat nonetheless while Riz speaks, inviting himself on the edge of Riz's bed just so he isn't looking down as much at him, chipping at some of the distance. But also--even if he isn't very well-prepared for his own reason for coming here, he wants to try. ]
We'll try. [ It's an affirmation to the last of what Riz says, acknowledgement before a pause. ] I'm glad you're okay. It was just... we weren't really having time to catch up with other back at school, and I don't know how good we are talking about stuff that isn't world threatening, or-- or something other than about how we're feeling. And I don't think that coming up to you like this will mean you have something to say, but...
[ But. His knees are higher than his waist from where he's sitting, and his rests his hands on top of them from where they had been on his bed. Eyes on Riz, or following him, wherever they might be. ]
I guess I wanted to think about it better. How you're doing. I never ask it as much I should.
[ He never probes deeper than surface level. It's one of those things about his relationship with Zelda he realised, way too late. Or was the true problem that he knew, but he didn't work to fix it anyway? It's easy for everyone to say that they're okay, and that's the answer you should accept, and if there's anything deeper, a distance growing, then--
You wonder if it was always meant to end up this way, or you just didn't do enough to make it a real and lasting relationship in the first place. ]
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[ Riz scratches thoughtfully at his cheek. Gorgug really doesn't ask him how he's doing all that much, but nobody does, other than his Mom. That's just normal. In all honesty, it's what Riz prefers to be normal. His truthful response to how he's doing at all times seems to swing wildly, and he's very rarely doing well, by anyone else's metric of functionality, which is something he prefers not to talk about by virtue of the fact that he operates best under stress.
If all the plates are spinning, who really gives a shit about the guy spinning them? Riz sure doesn't. ]
But it is nice of you to care. So. Thanks for that. I'm okay, though! I'm always doing pretty good.
[ He does appreciate it, really. Even if it does feel a little weird to realize that Gorgug actually thinks about him when he's not around. It's not that he doesn't believe his friends love him - they clearly do - but it never occurs to him that others could possibly be thinking or talking about him while he's not around, even though he's spent full hours considering them. It's nice. And scary. He can't decide if it's more nice than scary, or more scary than nice.
Maybe the latter. But that's stupid and it sucks, so he'll pretend it's the former. ]
Sucks that Junior Year's so busy, though. I can barely imagine it. [ They've spent all their time together during Sophomore Year. He almost thinks some of them will welcome not having to spend 24/7 breathing down each other's necks -- not Riz, who thrives on that sort of thing, but the girls especially seem ready for some personal space. And because he is who he is, he turns the question right back at Gorgug. ]
How are you feeling? [ He waves an arm in an exaggerated arc, as though gesturing to the world at large instead of what is objectively a poky little bedrom, even if it feels palatial to Riz. ] You got here a little later, which is a whole different kind of weird.
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(That's the plan.)
But to the question posed back to him, Gorgug simply tips his head, a meaningless motion. ]
I'm okay. I just have to learn about this place and act like I belong here? And that doesn't make sense for saving the world compared to when you all got stuck in a labyrinth, which sounds like something that would happen to us anyway. But I don't really care.
[ He would care more if he obsessed over the absurdity of it, or had Fabian's tendency to latch onto his grievances. Being stuck playing family for how ever many weeks and have it be some factor to whether his universe gets to stick around in the future?
He needs more time to cook about it, really.
So, for now: ] Is your fake family okay? You're not feeling weird about that?
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Honestly, in many ways, this place feels far more like home than Etraya ever did. It's the sort of thing that could lull someone into a false sense of complacency, if they're the type of person to do that. Which Riz isn't, of course, meaning that he's hypervigilant about the fact that they very well could. ]
It seems mainly like an excuse just to fuck with us at this point. [ He's got it all written down on boards and notebooks and charts, but no matter how much he squints at it, he just can't figure it out. ] My fake family's okay, though. They're all nice.
[ Idly, he kicks his legs. ]
It's like, weirdly normal, though. They're really trying to hammer home the whole suburban bliss angle. And everyone here is really good at playing along with it. I dunno what their angle is, beyond just being -- normal people, I guess?
[ For some reason, this place's idea of an idyllic future being one where every adult is married and has kids has been rankling at him. It's probably just because he's still pretty young, he figures, and because it pays no respect to the life of an adventurer. Everyone wants to do this sort of thing eventually, after all. He will too, one day. ]
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[ Then it makes sense, if that's what's considered normal. An idea that's trying to hit all the boxes, but lacks the experience in getting it right. You can throw random people into family units and then make them do a checklist of family activities, and that's good enough, right?? That makes a family. ]
It upsets some people. [ He shrugs, a meaningless motion. ] One guy I know's got a wife after his wife died, and we're both... I dunno, would it be weirder if they made you live with other goblins? I think I'd be creeped out more if they put me in with gnomes. Or orcs.
[ Living with humans (or human-shaped people) just makes it so--whatever. Like it's not a situation that could be mistaken as a family unit, and just people living together in the same space.
But would it be weirder for Riz at all if he was with a goblin family? Or even with a single 'mom', that's also a goblin. ]
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[ Okay, so that's maybe overcompensating a little -- but who's to say it won't? His Dad said they were all late bloomers too, and there's got to be some truth to that. Gorgug is gaga over Zelda, Kristen and Tracker can't keep their hands off of each other, Fig is always out macking on adult men (creepy), and Fabian is obsessed with the idea of kisses, even if he's not getting many of them. That just leaves him and Adaine, and he's certain Adaine will find someone someday too. She's just busy concentrating on her studies, just like Riz is.
Yeah. That's gotta be it. ]
But -- you're right. That's super uncomfortable for some people. And, like... I dunno, I feel like I rarely meet people whose families are, uh. Good? [ He rubs at the back of his neck. ] Your parents are awesome, obviously, and my Mom's the best, but everyone's got too much weird family baggage to get squashed into roles like this. [ Idly, he kicks his legs. ] It'd be weird to get matched with Goblins, but mostly 'cause I've never really hung out with other Goblins? It's just us and that one really intense kid in town.
[ Pot, kettle. Don't call him out, Thistlespring. ]
It'd be a different kind of weird to match you with Gnomes. That's less normalcy, more replacement.
[ Though... he hasn't seen a single Gnome either. Not here, and not in Etraya. He wonders if that's as weird to Gorgug as it is for Riz not to be around any other smallfolk. Sure, there's no Goblins around, but he and his Mom and the various Halfling families around Elmville have always had something of an understanding. ]
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Did you ever feel out of place back home in Elmville?
[ Their situations aren't similar, and yet, while the answer might be an obvious yes, Gorgug wants to ask it--he wants to know. Curious, and there's more to it than simple curiosity, but Gorgug doesn't elaborate immediately.
Because they shared the similarity of being deemed losers at the start of freshman year, and Gorgug, at least, had that honour prior to starting school. Held it even amongst other half-orcs, and to other kinds of species, for not being half-orc enough.
But who ever talks about the reasons they're a loser, even to a fellow loser? ]
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He doesn't think so, though. His mother had sat him down once to gently tell him that life would be a little bit harder because he was a bit different from the rest of the kids, and he'd asked her if it was because he was a Goblin. He still remembers her answer, a mortified little grimace and a swift: that too. ]
I guess? [ He scratches at his cheek. ] Elmville's not really built for... well, either of us, really.
[ For every time he has to climb up a piece of furniture, Gorgug's breaking one. They even each other out that way. It's also an easier slant to take than the more obvious, uncomfortable answers of schoolyard bullies and hushed judgment at the grocery store and the stray unfortunate remark from a teacher or two. ]
Did you?
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Yeah, [ he answers slowly, because he's still working out how to phrase the next part. ] People don't.... people used to make a big deal out of my parents being gnomes when I was younger. You know-- I wasn't a good half-orc. Except when I broke stuff.
[ It's embarrassing to admit, and maybe he should've kept it to himself; it's not like he hasn't gotten over these things since joining the academy. Witnessing a version of himself that led to who he was when he first walked into the hallways of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy to get punched by Fabian, and it's-- cringe-worthy, if Gorgug's honest.
Is it worth dredging back up? He doesn't mind admitting to things, but maybe he doesn't know if he should be, picking now at some loose threads of his already messy jeans. ]
I guess I-- I never really hung out with half-orcs 'til Ragh. And his mom.
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Maybe it's not fair to make Gorgug dredge up his own painful memories so he doesn't have to talk about his own - being adopted sounds a lot rougher than just being a minority, he thinks - but Riz isn't always the fairest person. Not when it comes to wiggling out of things like this, where he has to admit that certain things still hurt, and that they'll probably never fully go away. ]
I don't think that there's really like... a bad way to be a half-orc, [ he says slowly. ] But I get what you mean.
[ Riz had his parents, at least. The Thistlesprings are great, their overzealousness in sex-ed aside, but they're not exactly beacons of orcish culture. Probably. He doesn't really know. They probably have a binder for that too. ]
Did hanging out with Ragh and his Mom make you feel, like -- better about it?
[ The unspoken is, of course, that they could easily make Gorgug feel worse about it. Ragh was an enormous asshole during Freshman Year, but since then, he's just seemed so comfortable in his own skin, comfortable taking up space and being loud, being seen, while Gorgug still occasionally seems as though he's trying to shrink himself as small as possible. ]
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They're nice, but... I never talked to them about it. [ Should he have? He had opportunities, but the idea of taking them was, well--he liked anything else he did around Ragh. And as much as he likes Ragh now, he's never wanted to slip into a conversation about being half-orcs or what it was like growing up as one. Especially, as Gorgug explains, ] --But, I'd found my dad and mom around that time, and, my dad's an orc, but, I... I got over it. I had you guys, so... I had friends that wanted me to hang out with them.
I stopped caring what other people thought about me as much.
[ Being part of the group that beat up the old vice principal does give you some good respect, too, so. He's no longer a freshman, no longer banking on getting friends with his parents' tin flowers, having nothing but hope and desperation to make a difference for him.
He's just who he is, and he's come to accept that better over time. But who he is doesn't have to include being a friendless loser anymore, and so he can handle the other parts about himself that felt wrong or bad growing up.
You get used to it. You put up with it. ]
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[ It's how he feels too. He thinks it's how all of them feel, a little. For various reasons, they all seemed to live a fairly lonely life before they'd met each other, but him and Gorgug are the most similar of them all, he thinks. Their stories are the most mundane. They weren't isolated because they were raised in a cult, or because they were off having pirate adventures instead of going to school, or because their parents were too strict, or because they flat-out changed species mid-way through their lives. They had every opportunity to make friends, really. Other people just... didn't feel the same way.
Riz doesn't understand why, really, even though he's vaguely aware that they probably wouldn't have ever been friends either, if not for landing up in detention together ages ago. But having that shared understanding is kind of nice. Kind of sad too, admittedly, but that's all right. ]
I dunno if we'd fit in much better even if we were raised in the Mountains of Chaos, or whatever, [ Riz points out. Besides, what Gorgug says is illuminating: his focus wasn't on what he thought of himself as a half-orc, but how others thought of him. Jawbone would probably have something really poignant to say about that. Thank god he's not here. ] People can be shitty anywhere.
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But he nods to what Riz says as he goes on, how a change of environment wouldn't have made much of a difference, probably. Growing up somewhere other than Elmville is...difficult for Gorgug to imagine, even with all his issues about fitting in. ]
We wouldn't be a team if we grew up somewhere else. [ Which feels more important to Gorgug, or what he feels about that: how their very special set of circumstances had to happen the way they did, or they would never have slotted together. Or maybe it's the fact that in the face of sharing his awkward, kinda history with himself, he'd rather look to the positive of it all--and there are positives. There's a team, and the closest group of people he can call friends. That actually feel like friends, and not just the loser dredges on the playground that sorta hover around each other in class work because they're the leftovers.
He taps the heel of a foot on the ground, happier to think about them than just himself; happy with the idea of getting away from talking about his cringey childhood, and so- ]
I wouldn't mind hearing about stuff that... I don't know, more about you and your mom? If you ever miss anything, or you wanna talk about the stuff people say about goblins--I hear some stuff about gnomes. [ That gets Gorgug to make a face, half confused and half a grimace. ] And I can tell people look at me weird.
[ Which is saying something, considering how often the small things can past Gorgug's notice.
Regardless: ] I just wanted to put it out there, [ he says. ] We can talk about the mission, since I still wanted to hang out.
[ And are there things other than the mission that Riz would think to talk about now, just because of what they've been chatting about already? Gorgug doesn't know how this works. He'd offer that they could do something else other than mission talk, but Riz has nothing else in his room that stands out as another activity, unless Gorgug suggests they leave his house to go to the arcade or something.
He might. But he also wants to hear what Riz wants, doing his best here to give his friend his attention--doing his best to be a pal. ]
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[ His mother, harried as she was, had only had enough time to focus on how to keep her son safe, to explain the realities of the world they lived in, to try desperately to keep him from getting into even more trouble than he already had. The rules were clear: be on your best behaviour, especially in places run by the Helioic Humans, or the High Elves. No hissing and growling and chittering, no speaking Goblin if you think it might not be safe, eat slowly and carefully in the cafeteria or else people might make fun of you, mind your claws, mind your teeth.
Gorgug might have grown up with that sort of thing too, had he been raised by other half-orcs. No growling and snarling, no baring your tusks; act right. But he hadn't been raised by parents who'd even teach him how to growl in the first place. Gorgug as Riz had met him was a quiet, timid boy who had to be taught the opposite, how to grow rather than how to shrink. Riz is relearning the same thing, he supposes. He hadn't hissed in what felt like years, not until he got to Hell and Fig egged him on. ]
I've been ignoring that stuff a little more now, though, 'cause I've got a gun? [ His Mom would probably not be thrilled to hear that he's less concerned with fitting in now that he can just shoot people. ] And Fig said it was cool, and Fig's cool, so.
[ He's not sure if anyone else has even noticed, honestly. They're all so incredibly accepting that nobody's even mentioned it, that he's been hissing and biting and doing all that weird, fucked-up Goblin shit that he's tried to subdue for so long. He still won't do it unless under duress, if he's around anyone other than the Bad Kids... but it's been nice to be able to do it anyway. Like his Mom and Dad did, alone in their poky little apartment, but would never dare to do at work. ]
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It makes him curious, admittedly. What did it mean? What was it that Riz had to grow up learning that Gorgug never thought about? ]
Fig is cool, [ Gorgug agrees wholeheartedly, as if that's important to address first. Because it is. ] Do you act how you wanna act around us? Fabian acts the way he wants all the time, so you should too.
[ There's no malice or joking behind the example--it's blunt in an honest way, harmless. If Fabian is one to run off his mouth about anything, why can't Riz act the way he wants or do the things he wants, gun or no gun? Not that Gorgug knows what these things are--there's Rizisms, but are Rizisms the same as what Riz has to be thoughtful about?
...Gorgug doesn't know enough about goblin peculiarities (or any race peculiarities, at that). ]
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Learn from Fabian, huh? He is starting to act how he wants to more often what with the, uh... [ He flaps a hand. ] Dancing anti-toxic-masculinity stuff.
[ Less pirate posturing, more -- other kinds of posturing. It's still pretty funny, though. He looks at Gorgug, eyes bright with amusement, still a little touched by Gorgug's intent, patient regard. He's such a sweet guy. Someone like Riz probably doesn't deserve all this patience, Gorgug earnestly trying to be a better friend as though he's not already a great one. ]
I'm pretty sure I act how I wanna act. If this was me holding back... [ He gestures up at the mission board, side by side with his clueboard. It would be dire, is what he's saying. The little ways he's holding back are ways that he himself isn't quite aware of, so accustomed to it that it's just second nature to him. ] I don't have to hold back much with you guys. Nobody else does.
[ It's easy not to feel as self-conscious when they've got Kristen in the back of the van enthusiastically talking about 69ing with her girlfriend. ]
You do too, right? When you're not feeling shy, I guess.
[ Gorgug is a really shy guy. It's at odds with the Barbarian strength and the rock star career, but that's Gorgug for you. ]
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But he does think--and he does hope--that Riz is being all who he wants to be, even if Gorgug knows that's something that can take time to figure out. He's been working himself to answer it, knowing better than ever what the answer is, but just needing to implement it; work out the kinks, what works and what doesn't.
And have being an artificer be a part of that. He really hasn't missed bloodrush, though.
Apparently though, Riz's assessment of him, small as it is, a single word--that makes Gorgug balk, as he blinks at him, his features becoming uncomfortable. ]
...I'm not shy. [ He even sounds sulky saying it, and maybe...awkward, in the way a shy person would sound in protest. ] You think I'm still shy? I guess I've been nervous around all these people from different worlds and if one of my fake dads was gonna try and bully me...
[ Is being nervous the same thing as being shy? ...He has been trying to stand up for himself more. Or better! Gorgug drops his head to look at his hands, palms faced upward on his lap, as he considers the possibility of his shyness more than Riz possibly knew was going to happen. ]
But it's weird, right? No one else is from Spyre, and you don't know if someone's gonna be weird with you. I don't wanna get the wrong idea about people, but then sometimes I say something stupid. [ He looks back at Riz. ] Do I still suck at people?
[ Oh, man. Did he just get away with this because he never got kidnapped to a different planet with people from different universes? This sucks. This sucks!!! ]
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Which makes sense, come to think of it, considering that being self-conscious was the primary reason for being shy, but Riz had never thought of it as a bad thing, not when surrounded by big, brash personalities like Fig and Fabian's. (Hypocrite that he is, Riz does not consider himself in their ranks, as though his own personality is less big for being less pleasant than theirs.) ]
You don't suck at people. Everyone likes you, Gorgug, [ Riz says firmly, because it's more or less true. After the first stint of bullying, everyone pretty much gets along with him. He's a nice guy. He's hard not to get along with. Though Riz does pause to appraise his judgment, and adds: ] Except for Aguefort, for some reason? And Fabian's stupid grandpa. Don't tell Fabian I called his grandpa stupid. He'll get mad at me.
[ Like Gorgug might be now? Riz supposes he hurt his feelings a little. That sucks. ]
But honestly, I wouldn't know what you're like around people here. We don't, like... hang out with any of them? As a group? [ He scratches his cheek, considering the fact that he spends most of his time with Fabian and Gorgug... exclusively with Fabian and Gorgug. The rest of the time, he meets people one-on-one, usually by happenstance, and the one time there had been a party, he'd hid in the corner the whole time. ] Or at least I don't.
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But it doesn't make Riz's assessment wrong--things have gotten better over time, or at least -- people like him better than they used to. No one bothers him anymore in a bad way, and he likes his classmates, especially his artificer ones. But being outside of Spyre and in Etraya, especially Moorecroft, has made him feel his nerves returning about how he should act. Life was more comfortable back at home or when it was just him and the other Bad Kids living out of his van: he wasn't being tested or watched, judged for the future of his friends and family.
Though, there's one thing he really won't disagree with: ] His grandpa's stupid. I'm glad I don't have to see the guy.
[ We're agreeing with that right off the back. No remorse. This is a secret between the green Bad Boys. Sorry, Fabian.
But he does relax, or tries to seem more relaxed. Not overthink it, his thing and people. It's been nicer when he's not had to worry, or let himself worry about what other people think, and it's not been so much that that's been his core problem... it's that he's been trying to be chattier. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't care, but being kidnapped into a really dumb test isn't a normal situation to begin with.
He lets of a breath, and kicks his feet out by the heels, watching out for Riz or any of his limbs in the motion. ]
I was told to talk to and get to know more people... open up, get to know our fellow captives, you know. It doesn't matter back home or in Spyre, 'cause I have you guys and I'm doing stuff that makes me happy, so, I'm fine, normally. But when I was on that spaceship without you guys, and when we've been in Etraya... it's hard approaching people or keeping up conversation. You know what you want out of someone.
[ Because if he's thinking about Riz and how he speaks to people--Fig and Kristen speak to people so easily, and Fabian's an extroverted example of his own; but when it comes to Riz, even he's got a goal: he goes for it.
And Gorgug, it's like he has a vague idea of what he wants, or what he should go, and then he's trying to make the pieces connect to be a good ally. To other people.
He can't help but wonder if he's doing an okay or bad job at it. And being called shy doesn't really point towards doing well. ]
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